Other People's Stories

A teacher was telling Abbie that she had gotten a letter from a parent asking the teacher to excuse her from the homework that was given the day prior. It was handwritten in the usual fashion. It read something like this:
"Please excuse Heather from the Math homework for last night.
She had diar... (the last word was scratched out and began again).
She had deir... (again the last word was scratched out and again they continued).
She had the shits."

A teacher that Abbie works with has a son in her class. The coworker told Abbie of a discussion that was had about two weeks ago when the father was out of town. One morning the boy, a sixth grader, ran into his mother's bathroom in a towel while the family was getting ready for school.
"Mom, I have something to tell you, but I don't know if now is the right time." he declared.
"Well," his mother gingerly responded, "What is it?"
"I don't think I can make any more sperm." he revealed. "You know the little balls I have?"
With her eyes almost popping out of her head, his mother answered, "Uh, yes."
"Well, they are gone!"