Twist of Fate
Don't you just love it when a film twists and turns and ends up giving you something you weren't planning?

The last time I went to the theaters and saw a film was this past summer while my family was in California on vacation. I was working and putting in extra time. A friend invited me to join his family in watching The Pirates of the Caribbean. It wasn't too trying on my mental state, so I enjoyed the numbness.

Last Monday my mother-in-law was watching my girls and brought up the idea for Abbie and me to go see a show. The way the schedule fanned out, Fifty First Dates was the easy winner. Although I am pulling through this thing called life, I was not anxious to spend money to remind me of my loss. A humorous getaway sounded refreshing.

The flick was textbook. Through different scenes I could hear his laughter echoing with mine and the people around us. I knew it would be to his pleasing. It is funny how the simplest of things trigger responses we never consciously were aware existed. I once heard a Vietnam veteran explain to me the sound of bullets ripping through flesh. He was amazed because he had finally witnessed a film that had captured the sense. Because of that noise, he said memories flooded his brain more than it had for over twenty years. This was the tingling sensation I felt Monday.

So Drew Barrymore's character has no short-term memory. Induced by a horrific car accident, she is destined to wake-up every day as if it were the day of her accident. Adam Sandler, who was one of my brother's most treasured actors is the gigolo that falls madly in love with the absent minded beauty. Of course, many laughs are had as a love story progresses. It was a fair and more importantly, different way to spend an evening.

It wasn't until the very last scene when the Hawaiian musician, Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's rendition of "Somewhere over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World" fades in as Barrymore's character awakes to meet her "new" daughter, husband and life again for the very first time that I completely lost it.

I have had a few days to decipher all of what was going on in my brain as I quickly swung my jacket on and paced out to the frozen vehicle, wiping pain from my cheeks:
• It was a cocktail of a paradox of the character trying to remember, while I am trying to forget.
• It was the introduction of her child, the greatest highlight of life I have yet to discover, and she doesn't even know her.
• It was the intention of humor with familiar artists I knew he loved to watch.
• It was the foolish attempt on my part to believe that a two hour movie could chocolate dip my emotions enough for me to wander home and go to bed unscathed.
• It was the false illusion I have led myself to believe that I have gotten over that disgusting hump.
• It was the fact that he loved that song, that I put it into the DVD commemorating his life.
• It was that the original "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong, which both he and I were first introduced to on the Platoon soundtrack was both one of our favorites.
• It was me wanting to blame someone for this piece of shit situation.
• It was happiness to hold my babies, but fear of losing them.
• It was an anger that I was completely blind-sided and now breathing deeply to hold back uncontrollable gasps of wet air.
• It was all of these things and more brought on by the simple human humming and fingers strumming a ukulele.

I know Abbie felt the tension too. We got to the car and each sighed. I might of sighed several times.

"I wasn't expecting that!" I broke the silence.

We laughed.