You Scream, I Scream

We were sitting at a restaurant one evening. Our dinner was completed and we were expecting the bill from our waiter. He offered dessert to us, but we declined. As he departed, Ellie began a curious monologue that had reminiscences of the Saturday Night Live character performed by Will Ferrel; the man that could not control the volume of his voice, consequently, anything he would mutter to himself became announced proclamations. The gears and pulleys that regulate her mental processes were transparent, as the word, "dessert" still hung in the air.

With a red crayon in her hand, and a blank, distant look on her cherub face, she began, "Maybe I can just hit me on the head." She simulated a jab with the crayon towards her forehead without blinking or shifting her gaze. "Then I be sad, and then I get..." She paused before slightly leaping to punctuate her thought with a scream, "...ICE CREAM!!"

We looked at one another in disbelief of her outlined plan. The burst of laughter from Abbie, Emma, and me broke her stare as she realized that we were aware of her mischievousness. She displayed a wide smile and curled her body self-consciously. Physically defending herself with an expressive, "What? Did I say that out loud?"

"Have you hit yourself to get ice cream before?" Abbie asked as the laughter subsided.
"Yeah," She answered honestly. "With Grammy Sally." she confessed sheepishly.

Boy Named Sue

Here is a little joke I played on my neighbor. He has four daughters and plays the guitar as a hobby. I emailed him the following:

Hey Bruce!

I didn't know you were going to be playing at the Orpheum!

That was a clever name change on your part. Is that so the associates won't know it is you? I have heard of celebrities doing that, like Henry John Deutschendorf Jr. changing his name to John Denver.

How did you come up with that stage name?

I'll check my calendar to see if I can see you play.

Best of Luck to You!

Busted

At a local intersection in town, I was quick to grab my camera out of my bag as I waited for the stoplight to turn green. Across the road in front of me was an enormous bus, with giant brightly-colored letters covering it. Although I have never purchase, or watched one of their videos, I have had my share of back-to-back commercial spots on the Comedy Channel showing glimpses of the infamous (and cheap) smut videos.

I Got Dreams To Remember

As a child, living outside of Reno, Nevada, my family and I would take a couple of road trips a year to Northern California to visit my mother's relatives. Oftentimes, these were long weekends centered around Thanksgiving or Easter holidays. In order to stay the optimum amount of time, we would usually leave home in the afternoon or early evening. I realize now that the intent was for me to sleep during the ride, but I was usually too excited to see my cousins and grandparents to simply, "close my eyes and go to sleep." I anticipated the great fun and adventures in store for me down by the creek, inside the barn, and gawd knows where else we could ride our bikes or walk to.

Occasionally I would nap on the enormous vinyl bench seat, untethered by belts or booster chairs, and I vividly remember on a number of trips, being jarred awake by the slowing of the family Dodge Swinger. I always expected us to be turning onto my grandparents' long bumpy driveway to their big, old house. Most of the time, however, we were only turning onto another winding two-lane highway that dropped the cream-colored automobile out of the Sierra Nevada's and into the vast, open, and green orchards, ranches, and farmlands of the Red Bluff, California area. It was almost always raining, or wet from a recent shower, no matter the season. The smell that poured into the back seat from my father's lowered driver-side window, always engulfed me with scents I can still taste from memory. They are childhood aromatic delights that transport me to a happy and worrisome time in my life.

My most treasured smell is the same one that always turns my wife's smile into a disgusted wrenching grimace. I instinctively reach for the handle and lower my driver-side window to allow the ambrosia-tic aroma to fill my nostrils. It is the faint scent of skunk.

Having lived in an environment where skunks are more common than stray cats, I get to recall my early years often, however, being so close to the striped creatures does not mean that I appreciate the potent STRONG stench that easily burns the nostalgia of those dark nights spent driving of long ago.

Ev'rybody Has A Laughing Place

Last week Abbie and I surprised Emma with a trip to Disneyland for her 6th Birthday.

We acted as if it were a regular day. Got ready and dropped Ellie off at Grammy and Papi's house. Then we just started heading west. Around Bellmont, AZ (12 miles or so out of town) Emma kindly asked me, "Daddy, are you sure this is the right way to my school?"

We told her that she wasn't going to school today or on Friday. Instead we thought we would drive West for lunch. She began to cry.

Around Williams, AZ (about 20 miles later) she said, "I want to know where you are taking me."

We had been holding the surprise for a couple of months, and we just couldn't handle it anymore. "We are heading West. Where out West do you think we are going?" we asked in return.

"I think we are going to Disneyland." she said without hesitation.

So we did. We spent the remainder of Thursday there. We had a hotel right outside the entrance. We stayed for two more days. It was awesome. The highlights of the trip include:

• Mickey Mouse signing Emma's Happy Birthday button she was given.
• Discovering that Emma is a screamer on fast rides.
• Breakfast with Minnie Mouse and friends on Friday morning.
• Premium seating for the Fantasmic show, where the audience sang "Happy Birthday" to Emma and a handful of other girls.
• Meeting most all of the princesses and getting a bunch of autographs.

For me, seeing the amazement and wonder in her eyes during the Fantasmic show was something I will never forget. It was a very magical event for all three of us.

Ellie? She didn't even ask where we were. She had a wonderful time with her Grandparents, and she is fully aware that "next time" she will get to go. Time to start saving for that one.

Here are some photos from our trip.