Don't Take Your Guns to Town, Son

Round three of the one-sided, below the belt, verbal ass-kicking proposed and silently promoted by the cute, innocent, asian girl in my daughter's class.

She was tired of the fat jokes. Instead, she cold-cocked me with a simple statement, unprovoked, and unexpected. In text I know it sounds sweet, like a comment a courter would declare to his precious interest. Do not let the simplicity of her words fleece you into believing that the tone was completely teasing and insincere. Imagine Eddie Murphy singing, "I got a ice cream. You didn't get one. You didn't get one. You didn't get one." when you finally witness the words she slapped me with.

She said, "You have big eyes!"

Wait, she interrupted me from giving instructions to the table about the art project we were working on to bite me, saying, "You have big eyes!" (You didn't get one. You didn't get one!)

My neck snapped from the speed it took me to capture her mean little eyes into my glare. Hateful stereotypical thoughts rushed through my mind as I clamped down on my tongue and returned to the instructions I was providing.

I felt like that one guy in every western film that gets shot off of the balcony by the hero. The one that despite his obvious advantage, the little pistol on the ground quickly out-guns the old crow, leaving him crashing to the earth in silence and a cloud of dust.